To The PTS/WC Newsletter Editor I'd like to submit this article for the next newsletter. Most of the treatises included in previous newsletters have dealt with winning tactics (appropriate for a PBM forum, I guess). Just for the sake of variety, I thought some readers might be interested in a epic of ruin and misfortune, grief and woe. More specifically, I'd like to encourage fellow losers to sign up for more games. Please feel free to position them next to me... Good victims are hard to find these days. How To Lose With Style by Phil Geiger No, this isn't another one of those self-congratulatory articles on tactics Neanderthals could have come up with, had they but found time away from the daily hunter/gatherer grind. This is something far more relevant to those of us who haven't been immortalized in the WC Hall Of Fame. In case you haven't guessed by now, I've never won a game of World Conquest. However, I've managed to screw up so many times that I've become something of an expert on how NOT to win. As you read this article, take careful note of what I've done, and be sure never to repeat my mistakes. Not everyone has led a game with a dominating 11 city empire and been eliminated by game's end. I have. Here is the tragic tale of my rise and fall, as player J in game 149: For a while, everything was just as perfect as could be. My northern, western, and southern borders were secured with firm alliances, and my eastern neighbor (player G) was oh so unsuspecting as my air force massed on his border. My attack was swift and merciless--at least at first. The invasion began with a barrage of HEXs and the arrival of my BMRs over his nearest city, World Order. No losses were taken, and the city was mine. On the following turn, my BMRs, accompanied by more HEXs, arrived in his capital and conveniently destroyed a newly-built CGN while capturing the city, again with no losses. And the next turn, I took a third town, using HEXs and a redeployed SPF. And then I made the mistake of believing he was dead. Never mind the fact that he still had three cities and a village left--I'd just taken half his empire and now outnumbered him 3 to 1, right? Right. So I started making plans for attacking player F, just north of him. My good ally and (eventually) fellow victim player I, advised me against it, but I decided to go ahead and start another war. But before I could do that, player E (vile scum that he was) blew up my fleet with a pair of NEUs, tried to grab one of my cities with the old "RKT & Redeploy" tactic, and (I suspect) dropped neutron bombs into two of my other cities. First, just because a game is "Greenpeace" does not mean one can neglect ABM defenses. Genius that I was, I figured that out AFTER the NEUs floated into my defenseless cities. No permanent buildstep loss...but the units were still dead. Second, LRMs don't win games. Too much of my empire was founded on the ability to crush an enemy with an instant barrage of high explosives. And when I lost all those non-mobile LRMs to incoming NEUs, I lost 75% of my offensive power. (See "By the Rockets' Red Glare" by James Frediani, in the October 1992 newsletter, for more on the diagnosis and treatment of this dreadful illness.) But by far the worst mistake I made was ignoring E. Aside from insulting him, his allies, his mother, his hygiene, and his guileless tactics in a new and creative way every turn, I did very little to deter further attacks. At that point, I had ten cities and a village. I knew E couldn't stage an effective attack for at least a few more turns, so I went ahead and attacked F, hoping to grab the two cities I needed for victory. In the process of capturing the first city, I took casualties that could have been avoided by waiting until I had a 3 to 1 advantage. My offensive came to an abrupt halt. Even so, I was within one city of winning, despite the problems of fighting a three front war. And then player K decided to join the Alliance To Extend The Game and attacked one of my towns. It was a glorious battle, and it raged for many turns. But still I managed to keep a tenuous hold on my empire. But there I was, with 11 cities and a village (at three buildsteps), and no units. On average, each of my cities was being defended by a SAM, a few INF, and an LRM or two. I had four devoted enemies whose combined strength dwarfed my paltry 65 buildsteps, and three allies too involved in their own wars to be able to offer much assistance. The end came quickly. Fourteen HEXs decimated the handful of units I had in my capital, and E's redeployed infantry captured what had been my most important city. Over the next fifteen turns or so, E took five more cities, H joined the fight against me, F took his town back, G recaptured his capital, a city (renaming it "Sweet Revenge"), and a village, K took the town he'd been after for God knows how long. Either F or G took World Order. I'm left with the sad knowledge that what should have been an easy victory crumbled into a most ignominious defeat. The only good thing I can say, looking back at game 149, is that it took five players 17 turns to take me down. That's not much consolation, though, when I consider how thorough a job they did. Through it all, believe it or not, I actually learned a few things: Rule #1: Finish war number one before starting numbers two, three, and four. This shouldn't need to be said, but I'll say it anyway. Bite off more than you can chew and you'll choke when it counts. Rule #2: Never, ever neglect ABM defenses. I now consider five per city to be barely adequate, as ABMs rank below green INF with regards to reliability. DUMs are cheap, and a single nuke can ruin your whole day - especially in "lethal" games. Rule #3: Keep things in perspective. If you should lose, congratulate the scum who beat you. Holding grudges against such slime may add excitement to an otherwise meaningless existence, but it's ultimately counterproductive. And now, armed with the knowledge and experience of my ruin, you can avoid my blunders and perhaps earn a place in the World Conquest Hall of Fame. Hey--it could happen. Don't screw up.